Lipi the Loser's Advice Column

She’s hip (replacement surgery), she’s (dermi) cool, she’s back with paracetamol and more.

She is, after all, Lipi the Loser.

Dear Lipi,

I believe that I am an interesting person, and some people tell me that I have certain good qualities. However, others have made disparaging remarks about me; from my clothes to my voice - and they are not alone. I admit that I often interrupt other people in class and even outside, but it's only because their opinions are irrelevant. Though I have many acquaintances, I lack even a few close friends. How do I bridge the gap?

Ann Noying

Dear Ann,

As of now, I am battling the symptoms of swine flu. I have been coughing for the past week, but it certainly has nothing to do with the chronic cough I've had for the past fifteen years. I will try to answer your query at the earliest.

Love,

Lipi

The Online Raga Quiz: Which Keyboard Shortcut Are You?

When faced with a major crisis, what do you do?
a. Select all possible options.
b. Copy someone else’s solution.
c. Find your own solution.
d. End the situation.

What is your preferred brand of toothpaste?
a. I like them all.
b. I use my roommate’s.
c. Whichever one I can find.
d. Closeup.

If you were an animal, you would be...?
a. Hybrid species.
b. Copycat.
c. You are trying to find out via another quiz.
d. Extinct.

What is your favourite game?
a. I like all games.
b. Follow the leader.
c. Hide and seek.
d. Poker.

What is your most-listened-to song?
a. Everything.
b. I’m With You
c. True Love Will Find You
d. Close.

If you have answered...

Mostly As - Ctrl + A: Select All
You select all, always. Stop. It is bad for health.

Mostly Bs - Ctrl + C: Copy
You are an incorrigible mimic. Get a mind of your own.

Mostly Cs - Ctrl + F: Find
You don’t know who you are. You must find your true self soon.

Mostly Ds - Alt + F4: Close
You quit, close, shut and exit. One day, someone will end you.

Raga Thing to Do: Escape Swine Flu

Swine flu just gave us a week’s holiday. Sure, we like holidays, but not when we have to compensate by giving up our actual vacations! Peeved and aggrieved, we would like to tell the H1N1 virus, enough is enough. The pig flu flew? Big deal. We’ll bring it back down.

Here are a few tips to save the day from swine flu.

Cover your nose and mouth with a handkerchief when you sneeze in public. Did you just roll your eyes and say you already knew that? Hah, trick tip. If you have a cold, you shouldn’t be in public. Stay at home if you have the slightest symptoms of swine flu.

Still, if you must be in public, please cover your nose and mouth when you sneeze.

Whatever you used to cover your nose with, there is no need to open it and critically evaluate changes in appearance, if any. Put that handkerchief out of sight, immediately.

Find a way to get food and lodging near Kasturba Hospital. (Seeing as you won’t be allowed to drive up to Kasturba whether you have swine flu or not.) Both facilities are available at the not-coincidentally-nearby Arthur Road Jail. And for free, too; but law-abiding citizens are disqualified.

Drop the ‘no-carbs’ diet. Diets compromise on nutrition. If you’re going to be a flu-fighter, you need your health. We know you’re dying to kick your diet Do it, so that you don’t need to kick the bucket. Take the flu as a sign from above.

A good morale will always push up the immunity. No, we’re not asking you to make new friends or get a hobby or anything demanding like that. We at Raga have a better panacea for all kinds of gloom. A solution designed to cheer and uplift. We call it Malhar.

Malhar 2009 Photo Gallery